I think what you composed was actually very reasonable. But, consider this, suppose you added a little content? I mean, I don't want to tell you how to run your website, but suppose you added a headline that makes people desire more? I mean %BLOG_TITLE% is a little vanilla. You could peek at Yahoo's front page and see how they create post headlines to grab people interested. You might add a related video or a pic or two to get readers excited about what you've got to say. Just my opinion, it might make your blog a little bit more interesting.
